As I mentioned in my last post, the time between diagnosis and learning my treatment plan was incredibly difficult. In the weeks following my diagnosis, I underwent a barrage of diagnostic tests. There were so many and it was so overwhelming that I honestly can't recall them all! Eventually, they gathered enough information to tell me that there was no evidence that my breast cancer had spread anywhere else in my body. That felt like a little win and for the first time in weeks I felt a little flicker of hope.
With that information, I was finally given a treatment plan. I was surprised by how much learning more about my next steps eased my anxiety. The "This might be my last time____" reel could finally be quieted!
Once I had a plan, I felt like I could focus on what was ahead. I knew it wasn't going to be fun, but I just needed to put my head down and get through.
The plan: 6 rounds of chemotherapy, followed by a mastectomy, then radiation. It was a lot to take in - overwhelming doesn't really feel like a strong enough word.
Chemotherapy. Each session was a rollercoaster of emotions and physical challenges. I've always been very active, so the chemo fatigue was particularly frustrating. It felt demoralizing to be exhausted from making a cup of coffee when I was used to being on the go. One day I was craving berries. I had a hard time eating anything after each round of chemotherapy, so I was happy when my appetite started to return. I had any number of people I could have reached out to to bring me berries, but I'm so used to being independent! I convinced myself I could drive one minute to the grocery store, take a few steps inside and grab some raspberries, a few more steps to the checkout and then a drive one minute home. Truly about a 5 minute expedition. Luckily I didn't end up on the floor of the grocery store, but it was a close one. You know I shed some tears about that one. Not being able to be upright for five minutes? What kind of life is this?
Following the chemo, I underwent a mastectomy, and then three weeks of radiation. The entire process felt surreal, like I was living in a different world. There were so many times I found myself sobbing and saying "I just want my life back." I felt like everything I loved about my life had been snatched away from me. And it so felt hard to watch everyone else's lives continuing while it felt like my entire life was stalled.
Through all this pain - both physical and mental - I had the most incredible support system to pick me up and help me find my way. The outpouring of kindness from friends, family and coworkers was truly overwhelming. Their support lifted me during some of my darkest days, and I can honestly say it was as life-saving as any of the medical treatments. I could write a whole post about all the different ways people showed up for me.
Yet, despite all the love and support around me, I often felt isolated, longing for connection with others who understood what I was experiencing. With Covid shutting down local support groups, I had to look online for connections. That's when I stumbled upon information about a dragon boat team called Bosom Buddies of Nova Scotia — a group specifically for breast cancer survivors. Instantly, I knew I had to be part of this team. I made it my mission to be in that boat the following summer. Having that goal gave me a renewed sense of purpose and motivation to keep moving throughout my treatment, even on the toughest days.
During the winter, while they aren't able to paddle, the Bosom Buddies get together for walks once a week. I would show up armed with a list and pepper the women with questions about their experiences. Everyone was so welcoming and open to talking about their cancer journeys. It brought me a lot of comfort to spend time with people who understood how I was feeling and people who I could see were well despite having been through breast cancer treatment.
I'm thrilled to say that by that summer I was ready to get in the boat and paddle! I absolutely fell in love with dragon boating and with the Bosom Buddies. Summers are busy and I'm not always the most consistent teammate, but every practice I'm greeted with the warmest welcome from the kindest group of women! This past weekend I walked the CIBC Run For the Cure with my Bosom Buddies teammates, and it meant the world to me to be surrounded by such an inspiring community of strong women.
Since completing my treatments, I’ve been lucky enough to regain my health and continue checking things off my bucket list. I hope I never have to do any of this again, but I'm grateful that cancer has taught me so much about resilience, community, the value of every day and the importance of supporting one another.
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