Facing the Unexpected: My Journey from Diagnosis to Gratitude

In 2021, at the age of 35, I noticed a lump. I knew it felt different, but didn't think much of it at the time. I was healthy, I had no family history of breast cancer, and I was young. I thought breast cancer only happened to women over 60.

In my mind, there was absolutely no chance that it was breast cancer. It must be something else, and anything else is obviously benign, right? No investigation needed, I figured.

What finally pushed me to see a doctor was learning about a woman in her 40's who was being treated for metastatic breast cancer. If she could get it in her early 40s, why should I think I was immune in my mid-30s? So, reluctantly, I made the appointment to see my family doctor.  

My doctor requested an urgent mammogram, but because I was still so convinced that I couldn't have breast cancer, I put that off for months while I went North to nurse. Obviously we all know where this is going...

Because I had delayed investigation so long, it was July 2022 before I found out. I was only 36 years old when I received my diagnosis: Invasive ductal carcinoma. Medical words for breast cancer.

I did not see that bus coming, and let me tell you, it hit me hard!

The time between the words "you have cancer" and learning more about the diagnosis and the treatment plan was an agonising wait. That limbo where I didn't know what was next was paralyzing and every day felt like a lifetime. I always say I'm not a creative person, and that I don't have much of an imagination. But boy did I ever tell myself a lot of stories that summer. "This might be my last time ______" was a big (and terrifying) theme.

After a few days of hearing "This might be my last time ____" on repeat in my head, I started to reflect on how I would feel if it really was my last anything. That's when I realized how incredibly grateful I am for the life I have lived. If breast cancer were going to take me out, there would be nothing I would regret, and nothing I would have been left saying "I wish I had done that while I had the chance" about. I've never been one to wait for the "right time" to pursue the things I'm passionate about. If there's anything left on my bucket list, it's only because I've been busy checking other things off, not because I've held back. I've always believed in living for now, not for some distant future when I retire.

I think I always knew that life is short, and tomorrow is never guaranteed. But having breast cancer really drove that message home for me.Nursing in general, but especially travel nursing, has played a big part in allowing me to live this full life that I still feel so grateful for. I can't imagine another career that would have allowed me so much flexibility and so many opportunities. It has given me the freedom to pursue my passions on my own terms. And just as importantly, it has given me the most amazing friends and coworkers who have supported me along the way.

In my next post, I'll share more about my treatment journey and life since breast cancer!